Fear and Loathing in Uzbekistan

We are in Uzbekistan. Now, as a break from my usual ranting about wherever we happen to be, I thought today I would try to be a little informative about what we've seen and done. So here follows my observations and notes on the stuff out of the ordinary, you know, the little bits and peices that you may not know about Uzbekistan that will hopefully make your next trip there that little bit smoother and more comfortable....

GEOGRAPHY

Uzbekistan is in Central Asia and was formerly part of the USSR (or СССР as I now call them since I mastered the cyrillic alphabet). Some people may not know this.

Uzbekistan is one of only 2 doubly landlocked countries in the world (by doubly landlocked I mean only sharing borders with countries that are landlocked)

Despite being located in one of the more arid regions on the planet, and having only 10% arable land, they grow cotton here. This is insane and you can pretty safely bet once the Aral sea dries up completely they probably wont grow cotton anymore.

MONEY

The currency is the Uzbek Som, of which largest denomonation note is the 1000 som note. The current exchange rate for US dollars is 1331 Som to the dollar. Because of this here one usually measures one's currency in mass rather than cardinal amount. "That will be 2.5 kilos of som" is how one would normally pay for, oh I don't know, a sandwich or bottle of water.

GETTING AROUND

There are two types of cars on Uzbek roads: Ladas or Daewoos. I'm reliably informed that this is due to amazingly high taxes on car imports and Daewoo built a car factory here. The Ladas are all left over from the Soviet era.

Train puncuality must be a serious concern to the city fathers in Tashkent. I assume this lead them to ask the designers of their metro subway system to design some aspect of the trains to ensure passengers alight quickly and orderly. Being soviets and all their solution was, wait for it: KILLER TRAIN DOORS! The way it works is this. The doors for the trains must weigh about 300 kg's each and close at supersonic speed, so if you are passing through them, you make damn sure you are out of the way before they swing into action. People prepare to get on or off the train about 30 seconds before the train stops at the station. Then the instant the doors open people fight, push and scramble for the exit while everyone on the other side do the same thing. Due to the serious consequences of being caught in the doors, somehow everyone gets off or on very efficiently, if a bit scared and flustered. It's actually quite entertaining sitting on the train listening to the doors crash shut as a mass of humanity rushes either way through the portal. Not making it is trouble - there are severed hands and feet littering the tracks at the popular stations! (I may have embellished that last sentence a tiny bit..)

Uzbek roads are infinitely better than the roads in Kyrgyzstan and the Uzbek's get to live out the dreams of their Kyrgyz neighbours by driving as fast, or sometimes even faster, than the road and traffic condidtions or even laws of physics allow. Did someone leave a bit of a gap between them and the car next to it? Great! Invent your own lane by driving right bewteen them. Is there a slower car in front of you? Why not drive on the footpath to get past them. Don't worry about the pedestrians, they probably use the train and will know to get out of the way. Think you can go even faster around this corner? Then do it! The 12 cm wide tyres on your Daewoo or Lada will probably grip.

PEOPLE

There are still quite a lot of ethnic Russians living in Uzbekistan, mostly in the captial Tashkent. Thus whilst a visitor may think there are an inordinate number of prostitutes walking the streets here, they are more likely to be Russian women just going to the shops, or taking their infant child for a walk. In 6 inch high heels. And skin tight lycra. And with about an inch of makeup. Dressed like an actual prostitute.

HISTORY

Uzbekistan is home to many of the most ancient cities in the world, including Khiva and Samarkand which is 2750 years young! Let's hear it for Samarkand. There are also many of the most historically important sites in Islam such as the Registan and Mausleum of the cousin of the prophet Mohammad in Samarkand and the Chor Minor Mosque and Minaret in Bukhara. By the look of things they are also important sources of income for Islam in Uzbekistan as every one of these sites are full to the brim of carpet shops, ceramic vendors and, of course, money changers, conveniently located right in the temples!

FOOD

No meal in Uzbekistan is complete without mutton! Yep it's the national favourite. Usually it's cooked on a Shashlik which is a big metal skewer that they load up with the chewiest, gamiest pieces of meat available and also a nice big tasty piece of fat. Yummers! The places selling Shaslik are pretty easy to find because they generally the place that looks like it is on fire.

In actual fact I, and Shell, have really enjoyed Uzbekistan. This guy in Kyrgyzstan told us that in both countries you get to see the 3 M's (It may have been 4 but I can only remember 3 at the moment). For Uzbekistan that means Mosques, Minarets and Madrassas. For Kyrgyz it means Mountains, Mountains and Mountains, so the difference in countries was stark and a nice change. We have seen some dead set ancient history and had lots of fun haggling for souvineers, wandering around ruins and drinking many, many cups of tea.

But now we graduate from 3rd world to 2nd. Tomorrow morning (at 4:50 am!) we fly to Moscow and move one step closer to the real world, stuff like drinkable water, edible food, paying real money for stuff and, of all things, work. Sheesh. I'd like to say we are going to tourist it up big time for the next week, but we will probably just sleep in and spend most of our time taking photos of the weird stuff we see out the front door of our hostel.

I can't wait! Until next time, when I become your correspondant in Moscow, Bye!